I have a lot of resistance to getting organized…
Q: I have a lot of resistance to getting organized in my life. I know that an ongoing pattern of laziness is one of the main reasons I struggle in this area; however, even when I choose to be hard working, I still have difficulty with organization. I am suffering from ongoing financial hardship as a result of this pattern of behavior, and I want to change. Can you please help me understand why I am having such a difficult time with being organized and how I can break that pattern?
A: First of all, it is important to remember my axiom:
Everything you have is everything you want.
Everything you don’t have is everything you want.
That is a universal principle which applies to everyone—regardless of circumstance. The Truth is: If you really wanted to change, you would. So, the place to start is to be really honest about why you don’t want to change, rather than saying, “I want to but I can’t.” That is victim consciousness. It is way more empowering and liberating to say, “I don’t want to change and here’s why….”
There are myriad reasons why people don’t want to change patterns of laziness. Most often, these will route back to childhood experiences with parents. There are many scenarios, but two in particular are very common.
In many people, there is a deep-rooted bitterness and resentment toward their parents for things that happened during their childhood, including ways they were or were not treated, ways they were not honored, and ways parents engaged with them or did not. Resentments build up over time. When they become adults, even though they are not necessarily consciously aware of it, motivating their actions and choices is a desire to punish their parents. Part of that punishment comes by making sure they “fail” in life, in order to embarrass or disgrace the parents.
The second very powerful motivating factor is that many children often unconsciously hold themselves back so that they won’t surpass or “outshine” their parents. Vehicles that ensure this are laziness and lack of organization in one’s life.
Another point to consider is that people who are really sloppy in their environs typically hold enormous anger and rage. There is an old axiom: “As within, so without.” If you ever want to get an assessment of your consciousness, look at your surroundings. If your personal space is a mess, there is a mess inside of you. To address the issue, you can work from either direction: You can clean up your personal space, which will help clean up your mind; or, you can clean up your mind and you will find yourself cleaning up your personal space.
Organizing and cleansing your consciousness can be done first through meditation, and next through creating regimentation and structure in your life. I recommend you read a recent article I wrote, entitled Discourse on Meditation. This will give you the keys to an effective meditation practice.
To instill regimentation into your life, start with a daily action plan. This is simply a written list of items you need to achieve during your day. Write this list at the beginning of each day, ensuring that it is realistic and achievable. If you put too many items on the list, that is a form of self-sabotage.
To support you with creating and implementing this plan, you may wish to work with an “accountability partner” which is very helpful, particularly for those who are lacking in self-discipline. Choose someone whom you can rely upon to support you consistently for an agreed upon period of time, until you feel confident that you will be able to continue by yourself. You can give your partner a copy of your daily schedule and arrange for your partner to check in with you regularly. This can be a very powerful and important tool—if used consistently.
For instance, you may commit to a daily regimen that begins with meditating at 5:00 a.m. You can arrange with your “partner” that when you rise at 5:00 a.m. you will text him/her to confirm you are up, and if your partner does not receive the text, she/he will call or text you to wake you up. You can also arrange for a check-in each evening to review your list for the day. And, if more discipline is needed, especially initially, you can arrange for your partner to interact with you throughout the day. You have to experiment to find what works for you both.
In summation: first and most importantly, get honest with yourself about why you have not wanted to change. And then, once you are truly ready to change, adopt these tools and suggestions for implementing structure, discipline, and organization in your life. When you do this consistently, you will easily and rapidly create grace in all areas of your life.