My Search for God Ended When I Found You
Dearest Guru Louix,
Thank you for having me over and accepting me as your disciple. I know you are liberating me, and I have no words good enough to explain all that I am feeling. I beg you to give me the strength to walk on the path led by you.
Even before I was contacted by your disciples, I had already accepted you as my Guru. It just happened by reading your most Beautiful poems, articles and some chapters from your book. You reminded me again of my childhood dream to fall in love madly with God. I always used to want to be like all those lucky souls who could live in this world and yet be deeply, deeply in love with their Beloved God that they could remember him and sing about him with every breath they took. I also never thought that was/is actually possible for me to be like them, that selfless. But it was something to aspire to.
This dream was long forgotten in my race for what I thought the way my life should be moving. I got too busy controlling, planning, hating, crying and finally ending up completely closing up my heart so much that it has been hard to feel any joy or look forward to waking up each morning. This has gone on for almost 8 years now, maybe more. And then the miracle happened: All my longing and sincere questing did finally lead me to you.
The moment I read your articles I knew that I was very attracted to your writing and wanted to learn more and more and more. The biggest gift you gave me was reminding of my childhood ardent desire to lose myself in loving Krishna/God. In the last 12 years, I have come to love Jesus also deeply. It would be wonderful if I could follow Buddha's path too. So I had started jumping from one boat to another and then another and I was totally exhausted, and yet, could not give up. I thought that my search must be for my Twin Flame—and so pursued different psychics, books, channelers, astrologers, etc. Finally destiny/God/You took pity on me and lead me to Vipassana meditation, my friend Margaretta, Neale Donald Walsh' CWG and other books; to glimpse 4 Masters in less than 6-week period. I saw the Dalai Lama, Ammachi, Ching Hai and Yourself. I am glad it came in that order.
When You asked us yesterday to give example of our faith, I was reminded of a story about Krishna, I wanted to share with You. Krishna had 2 wives—Rukmini and Satyabhama. Satyabhama was always insecure thinking that Krishna probably loved Rukmini more. Maybe to teach a lesson on love and faith (I am not sure of exact reasons) Krishna announces that he can be bought by the person who can match Krishna's weight with the weight of whatever commodity the buyer intends to buy Krishna with. Seizing this opportunity, Satyabhama, who wants so much to have Krishna for herself, asks Him to sit on one end of the weighing scale while she heaps all the gold in the palace on the other end of the scale trying to balance the scale. No amount of gold or other things could balance the scale and Satyabhama is in despair. Then comes Rukmini, who is shocked at what she is seeing. Satyabhama asks Rukmini to give a try herself. Rukmini then asks the side of the scale containing all the gold and heavy objects to be emptied out. She just places one tiny Tulsi/Basil leaf with all her faith and love and the scale immediately balances!
With all my Love and gratitude,