Having Trouble Fitting In
I am happy; yet, recently, I have been quite frustrated.
When I had my conversation with you, I talked of money as a concern for my happiness or satisfaction. You said to me that I should not pursue money with the impression that it would bring me happiness; I should pursue that which is from my heart.
I am concerned about my relationships with my peers. I have some great friends, and yet I feel quite intimidated by others for their perceptions of me. Most of my friends now have jobs and enjoy having ample money to socialize under various mediums, other than school. Being unable to grasp a job and finding it uneasy to make conversation with many people, I have (I guess) annexed myself from the norm of social interaction.
I find it frustrating that I am unable to socialize, but to whose satisfaction? I would consider my frustration just as a part of my lesson. It will mold me into what God wants. I know that my most important lesson is to love others. I accept others and possibly love them, too, yet….
As for other thoughts, I have thought about the idea of living in an ashram. I know there is much dedication, though I thought it would be odd for an eighteen-year-old—particularly with my problem—to be being partially cut off from the average Australian social environment.
As you can see, my writing is quite bad. It’s evident that I am frustrated. My discourse, literary, and speech is always quite erratic. This is my main problem. I am bad at communicating ideas.
Can you please give me some advice?
Thank you for your tender and heartfelt letter. I am only too happy to reply and put your troubled mind at ease. Please know that you are forever in my heart and always with me. This letter is further proof of my promise that I will always be here for you. In time, you will be able to hear—and feel—me speak to you this clearly from within your meditations, dreams, and any other time you call upon me. How that develops is through practice and discipline, combined with a pure faith that you have this inherent ability as a child of God.
It just so happens that you are a soft-spoken individual, which you have misconstrued as a sign of weakness. There are many times when words cannot convey what only the heart can speak.
As for feeling intimidated by others’ perceptions of you, it is important that you realize that others perceive you the way you perceive yourself. It is not “their” perceptions which bother you; it is your own judgments against yourself that are bothering you. There is no “they” out there. They are you. Know thyself. Love thyself. Forget about what others think about you. I am concerned only with what you think about you. People will always have—and voice—their opinions. Opinions are worthless, especially when uninvited (though, truly, people can only speak to you that which your soul has requested them to speak).
Regarding your supposed “inability” to secure employment, understand that there is only one reason you do not have a job: You do not want one! Become this honest with yourself. It is very empowering, and it leads to inner peace. When you want to work, you will have a job—plain and simple. It may not be the job that your ego wants, but perhaps it just may be the job that God wants you to have.
Why do you feel such a pressure to have to “make conversation” when you are in the company of others? Silence is golden. I wish more people would have your grace and composure. Do you realize that over 80% of human speech is superfluous? Wasted words used to fill gaps of nervousness. What people fear most is intimacy. Furthermore, God dwells in the infinite silence that lives between exhalation and inhalation. Thus, people “yak yak yak” so that they do not have to share an intimate moment with another human being. That is also why few people look into each other’s eyes while they are speaking to one another. The eyes are the windows to the soul. To look into them is to have an intimate moment with God. Instead, people choose to dart their eyes all around or to simply stare at the ground.
It is very important to surround yourself with ones who share your values and dreams; otherwise, you will constantly find yourself feeling “left out” and misunderstood. It is crucial that you socialize in an environment that is supportive. Birds of a feather flock together. That may or may not mean living in an ashram for you. You have to look in your heart and choose that which sings to your heart. What do YOU want? And, again, I ask that you forget about the “Australian norm” for an eighteen-year-old. Get interested in God’s norms. God’s norm is to be interested in God—at any and all ages! Furthermore, “norm” in whose eyes? The “norm” you speak of is a society filled with abuse, drugs, mutilation, vulgarity, prostitution, pornography, gambling, crime, killing, gossip, jealousy, envy, hatred, fear, isolation, depression… need I go on? And you want to fit in with (and be accepted by) THAT norm?!!
Your writing is not bad, nor is your ability to communicate your feelings and thoughts. STOP judging yourself. That is my first, and most important, advice to you. God asks you to live your life in service to other people, not to their opinions.
Please know, deep in your heart, that the moment you write me, I have already answered all your questions. Also know that I do see, read, and answer all my mail. I simply use means not always recognizable to the human consciousness. But I do hear and answer all the prayers of all my children throughout all the worlds.
I have great respect for, and admiration of, you. And I have tremendous hope for you. You are a shining—and rising—star… very soon to take your place among the brightest in the heavens—albeit while still on Earth. I am here to help you.
With my love and eternal blessing,